Are you feeling some anger or hatred towards that friend who has owed you money since last term? Is there a misunderstanding between you and your parents? Well, stop it! That coal that you hold in your hand, it’s time to let it go! Being unforgiving is literally one of the most poisonous things you can let crawl into your life.
So now, questions are being conceptualized in your heads. What really is forgiveness? Wikipedia defines forgiveness as “the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of an actual or perceived offence, disagreement or mistake or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution”. This simply means that forgiveness entails some “forgetting” and no longer blaming someone for something they may have said or done which was directly or indirectly offensive to you.
So now that we know what forgiveness is, let’s learn about some of its benefits. Forgiveness is good for the heart. Not only the heart that your “love” broke but the beating heart that pumps blood inside of you. A study published in Journal of Behavioral Medicine shows that forgiveness can lead to a lower heart rate and blood pressure and also a reduction in stress. Forgiveness can also reduce depression among people who suffer from it. It can also enhance one’s spirituality. This to me is one of the best benefits for which you can ask. We should all strive to have a closer relationship with God no matter our religion.
We now know what the benefits of forgiveness are, so how do we forgive? The first step is to realize that someone has done you wrong. Think back; is there an old friend who you no longer like? You need to identify the problem. In this case you need to try to remember what they did.
In other cases, where you clearly remember what the person did, you need to begin “the healing process”. Think to yourself:
1. What really happened that offended you?
2. Could I have in some way offended that person?
3. What could have been done to avoid this matter?
Step three: Consider how you will approach the person; the actual words you plan on saying without making it sound too robotic or rehearsed. The worst thing you can do is come across as aggressive or wanting to infuse guilt into the person. Consider saying something like, “You know the other day you did/said something and I was a bit hurt.” Do not use a harsh or defensive tone; for example, “You did something and I did not like it! I did nothing wrong, you were just too inconsiderate!”
Now that you have told the person how you feel, do not expect that you will always get a positive response. We must consider that there are different people with very different personalities so not everyone will reply, “Oh. I’m sorry!” There will be those who will not think that they did wrong.
If the person does respond in a positive manner you can feel accomplished. The benefit at this point is the restitution of a relationship. So if you think you need to forgive someone, start the process and always keep in mind that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven.
Submitted by Jamila Best, Form Six, Swaha Hindu College
