Dealing with People’s Behaviour

From a satsang with Pt. Dr. Umesh Persad, Spiritual Leader, SWAHA Gyaan Deepak Kirtan Mandali

In life, we must understand that we are not in control of circumstances or the reactions of the people around us. We can influence them to a certain degree but ultimately they have their own minds and behaviour. If we think we are in control of either circumstances or people, then we blame ourselves when things go wrong. We might think that the behaviour of the people around us is our responsibility. However, we are in control of only one thing: our reaction to circumstances and people’s behaviour.

We can try to change the world but the world itself is always changing. We can change something today through our own efforts, but tomorrow it will change again through some other means. We must realise that we are not in control of circumstances; we are only in control of ourselves. When we do not accept the way things are, we build up tension within us and we are unhappy. When we have full acceptance of the way things are, then we are well. How then, should we deal the behaviour of those around us?

The answer can be found in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. People can usually be found in one of four general states: sukh, dukh, punya and apunya (happy, unhappy, righteous and unrighteous, respectively). There are different, appropriate responses that we can practise for each of these types of behaviours. If someone around you is happy, what should your response be? Scriptures say that our response to sukh should be maitri, friendliness and lovingness. We should feel good for them as they are doing well in life at that point in time.

Secondly, if people around us are unhappy, the response should be karunaa, compassion. We should try to help ease the burdens of others and in so doing, we will ease the burdens of our own mind. We can assist them if possible or offer our sympathies. Thirdly, there are people who perform virtuous actions, punya; such people will tend to always do the right thing, whatever the circumstances. The response to this category of people should be mudita, delight, gladness or goodwill. We should be inspired when people do the right thing. We should seek to emulate such virtuous behaviour.

The last category is unrighteous people. Instead of showing anger, aversion and disgust to wicked behaviour, we should show upeksha, which is disregard, indifference or distancing behaviour. We should not try to advise or change such people because it will be like casting pearls before swine. We must accept that they have certain beliefs, which are at the root of their behaviour and actions. We need to accept who they are and distance ourselves as much as possible for our own sake as well as theirs. We must try to remain neutral and recognise that it is all part of divinity.

Thus, while we may not be in control of situations in our lives or even the behaviour of the people around us, the scriptures have provided us with these gems of wisdom on the most appropriate reactions to the behaviours and actions of others. In so doing, it will bring more peace to our minds and lives.